While this may not be a real post, I wanted to take the opportuniyu to send our readers a message:

Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year.

May your Christmas be filled with the love only your family can give, and your new year be filled with joy.

Since we’re a diverse site (some might say “educational”), I thought I’d share that I was invited to the Vanguard beta. What is the Vanguard beta you ask? Before I spill any beans, let me get this out of the way:

“PLEASE DO NOT POST ABOUT BETA IN ANY PUBLIC FORUM AS DOING SO WILL CONSTITUTE A VIOLATION OF YOUR NDA AND YOU WILL BE REMOVED FROM BETA IMMEDIATELY, AND DEPENDING ON THE SEVERITY OF THE VIOLATION, YOU MAY BE REFERRED TO LEGAL COUNSEL FOR FURTHER REVIEW.

THE ONLY PLACE WHERE TALKING ABOUT BETA IS APPROPRIATE, OTHER THAN IN THE GAME, IS THE VANGUARD BETA FORUMS TO WHICH YOU WILL BE GRANTED ACCESS PURSUANT TO THE INSTRUCTIONS IN THIS EMAIL.” - From Beta Invite Email

Well crap, I can’t tell you. There has to be a way to discuss this without getting kicked from the Holy Grail of the beta world. (http://www.vanguardsoh.com/) I haven’t installed it yet, but it does look pretty cool from the “released screenshots”. (http://vs.warcry.com/scripts/images/gallery.phtml?id=877&site=64) When Captain Love Pirate asked me what the game was about, this is what I had to say:

It’s supposed to bring back the MMO to the Hardcore players…. like weapon deterioration, corpse runs, Losing levels and experience when you die, getting killed by people who are higher than you because they can, getting the items on your body looted by those other players, allowing those players to skin your body for some good ole fashioned Silence of the Lambs action, and the like. Sounds like a freaking trip to Six Flags if you ask me… Did I mention the part about being able to raid a town, rape the women and children and having your skill at “bum” sex increase? Sweet ant hills on fire.

So I ask you, who wouldn’t want to get in on this action? I’ll tell you. Those My-Little-Pony loving, Care Bear huggin’, King Kong rubbin casual players! Heaven help any casual gamer that accidentally picks this one up at the local Wally word or gets it from their blind grandmother who still drives on the sidewalks! After 2 seconds in the game, they will be moaning in lament over the fact that they can’t do anything because someone named “Ih8Noobs” is dry-humping their skinned corpse. Bunch of wusses! Ahh, but it doesn’t stop there. Oh noes. These little thumb-suckers are going to head to the Vanguard forums and make threats that they are going to leave if things don’t change:

“Me and my 3 friends are gonna leave if you don’t give us UBER weapons of power and make us immune to attacks!

So Sigil will buckle like those little shoes that the Care Bears wear while playing the game and create a mirror world where all is sunshine and happy with the world. There will be free candy handed out and free dentist appointments for your characters to make sure they don’t get virtual cavities. (Where as SOE would charge you an extra $3 dollars a month to get dental insurance for you chars because you don’t want your hottie half-elf to be toothless.) When this happens, all the hardcore gamers will then have a hissy-fit and try to hack into Sigil’s computer systems to put the latest 1337 computer virus on the game servers. Thus the vicious cycle will continue.

So these are my predictions for the future of Vanguard. Start saving your nickels boys and girls! You don’t wanna miss this one!

Captain Kitten Killer

As Captain Love Pirate mentioned, we’re back you landlubbers. Be afraid.

Not much time to explain the meaning of life, but rest assured it will be shared soon. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Captain Kitten Killer

Hello everybody (and by everybody I mean all two of you.)

Foam Pirates is back from the semi-comatose.

I’ve put WordPress on so that hopefully it will be a bit easier to update and KK and I will do so more.

I’m still working on figuring out how exactly to work some of the features (i.e. color, blah blah) so bear with me as I get this crap figured out.

Edit: Oh yeah. I’ve set the requirement for commenting to be registration. So go on and register so we can make fun of things
and talk about it.

Edit2: Please let us know about problems at our Feedback link. I do know about the links, and I plan to TinyURL them (and show KK how to) at my earliest convenience.

Edit 3: ok. Found a new theme that’s cute and goes with our motif. In this the longer links don’t appear to be a problem yet and it fixes the name appearing thing. Good deal. Lemme know if it’s hard to read.

For now, peace out.