If you are able to hear or read (which is a given at this point), you’ve heard something about the recent Koran “abuse” by the United States Military. The subject really gained the national spotlight when Newsweek published an article detailing specific abuse by the U.S. military. These details included instances where the Koran was flushed down the toilet. This story caused tremors throughout the Islamic community created riots and ultimately the deaths of 15 people in Afghanistan. Even though that article turned out to not be credible, many demanded further investigations into the possibility of Koran abuse. All of this begs the question: Does the Koran condone murder in cases of Koran abuse?

I will not claim to know much about the religion of Islam. It would take me years of study to comprehend it all. They say actions speak louder than words. The last time I checked, words don’t kill people. But we all know that words can encourage people’s deaths.

Let’s start by listing a few examples of what Muslims (and the US Media) consider “abuse” by the U.S. Military (courtesy of www.weeklystandard.com):

• On 18 AUG 03, two detainees complained that the guards had violated the Koran search policy when they touched the surgical masks used to hang detainee Korans from cell walls during a security, safety, and welfare inspection. The incident was recorded in the electronic blotter system. The guards stated in the blotter log that they were not violating Koran search policy because they did not actually touch the Koran when they squeezed and felt for bulges in the surgical masks. The SOP in place at the time of the incident did not address searching the Koran through the masks.

• On 5 JAN 03, a translator was called to translate during a search of a cell. The detainee residing in the cell refused to show his Koran during the search. The guards informed the detainee that if he did not show his Koran they would be forced to search it. The detainee did not comply. The MPs put on clean latex gloves and used a clean towel as they conducted the search. During the search, detainees in nearby cells continuously threw water at the MPs. As the translator departed the cell, the detainee spat on him. The translator recorded the incident in a sworn statement.

• On 18 AUG 03, at 1220 hours, a guard conducted a routine search of a detainee’s cell. During the search, the guard accidentally knocked the detainee’s Koran out of its holder (a surgical mask) and onto his bunk. The block NCO responded to the cell and explained to the detainee that the incident was an accident. The ICRC asked MG Miller, Commander JTF-GTMO, about the incident during a meeting on 09 OCT 03. MG Miller told the ICRC that he had investigated the incident and determined it to be an accident. A guard recorded the incident in sworn statement.

• On 25 JUL 03, a contract interrogator apologized to a detainee for stepping on the detainee’s Koran in an earlier interrogation. The memorandum of the 25 Jul 03, interrogation session shows that the detainee had reported to other detainees that his Koran had been stepped on. The detainee accepted the apology and agreed to inform other detainees of the apology and ask them to cease disruptive behaviors caused by the incident. The interrogator was later terminated for a pattern of unacceptable behavior, an inability to follow direct guidance and poor leadership. We consider this a confirmed incident.

• On 15 AUG 03, two detainees complained to the swing shift guards (1400-2200 hrs) that the detainees’ Korans were wet because the night shift guards had thrown water balloons on the block. The swing shift guards recorded the complaints in the block blotter log in accordance with normal procedures. We have not determined if the detainees made further complaints or if the Korans were replaced. There is no evidence that this incident was investigated. There is no evidence that the incident, although clearly inappropriate, caused any type of disturbance on the Block. We consider this a confirmed incident.

• On 25 MAR 05, a detainee complained to the guards that urine came through an air vent in Camp 4, and splashed on him and his Koran while he laid near the air vent. A guard reported to a Block NCOIC that he was at fault. The guard had left his observation area post and went outside to urinate. He urinated near an air vent and the wind blew his urine through the vent into the block. The Sergeant of the Guard (SOG) responded and immediately relieved the guard. The SOG ensured the detainee received a fresh uniform and a new Koran. The Joint Detention Operations Group (JDOG) commander reprimanded the guard and assigned him to gate guard duty where he had no contact with detainees for the remainder of his assignment at JTF-GTMO. This incident was recorded in a series of contemporaneous sworn statements made by Camp 4 guard force members. There is no record that this incident caused any type of disturbance in the block. We consider this a confirmed incident.

Wow! That’s some pretty harsh Koran abuse going on there. I’m not sure how those guards sleep at night. I’m surprised they haven’t committed suicide. Maybe their families will kill them in their sleep. Now let’s look at the other side of the abuse going on at Guantanamo Bay.

• On 14 MAY 03, a guard observed a detainee rip his Koran into small pieces. The guard recorded the incident contemporaneously in a sworn statement.

• On 5 JUN 03, a guard observed two detainees accuse a third detainee of not being a man. In response, the detainee urinated on one of their Korans. The detainees resided in adjacent cells. The event was recorded in FBI FD-302s, on 5 JUN 03 and 19 JUN 03.

• On 19 JAN 05, a detainee tore up his Koran and tried to flush it down the toilet. Four guards witnessed the incident and it was recorded in the electronic blotter system.

• On 23 JAN 05, a detainee ripped pages out of his Koran and threw them down the toilet. The detainee stated he did so because he wanted to be moved to another camp. Four guards witnessed the incident and it was recorded in the electronic blotter system.

I’m sure you’ve heard of those, right? I mean, it has been all over the National News channels 24/7 for months. Oh wait, that was the Jacko trial. I had never heard of Muslims abusing the Koran at Guantanamo Bay until I did a little research into this rant. Where are the riots over these abuses? Where are the front page headlines screaming about these detailed stories of abuse? What about the fact that Muslims are blowing up Mosques filled with Korans and other Muslims?

Where did these Muslims get their Korans in the first place? The United States Government used your money to make sure every Muslim held in Guantanamo had one. Non-Muslims are not allowed to touch a Koran unless they wear gloves. If they do touch one, they have to use two hands at all times. These are the kinds of regulations the U.S. Military follows when dealing with Islam. This has to be the most religiously sensitive war we have ever waged. And what about the differences between those captured by American Forces and those captured by Islamic extremes. Where American guards have accidentally pissed a few drops on a detainee’s Koran, Al Qaeda videotapes live beheadings of non-military personnel. Have we really forgotten that there are those that want us dead for being American infidels?

And let’s not forget these stories:

http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=96443

http://www.cnsnews.com/ViewForeignBureaus.asp?Page=%5CForeignBureaus%5Carchive%5C200505%5CFOR20050519a.html

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=44324 (My favorite)

The whole subject of this rant makes me angry. This is just another form of hypocrisy. Don’t get me wrong, I realize there is hypocrisy in every religion. There are those that take it to extremes. But the over reaction by the Islamic community regarding this issue is pathetic. The over hyping, one-sidedness, and politically correct attitude of these stories by the mainstream media and other organizations is irresponsible.

So in an effort to be fair to both religions, I have come up with a fun list of things you can do with the Koran AND the Bible:

1. Rub the two books together in a humping motion. Who knows, they might produce an offspring called a “KorBible”.
2. Take a trip to Mexico. Once there, gently remove the pages from each book. Paste the pages together in the form of a donkey. Invite all the Mexican children over for some good old fashioned piñata fun!
3. Roll a joint.
4. Paper hats are cool. Pirate hats are cooler.
5. A Bible and a box of crayons make one awesome coloring book.

Until next time,

Captain K. Killer

Congress says that Mickey Mouse is more important than you!

Off the bat, let’s get some definitions, just so we’re clear what I’m ranting about:

* Patent — A patent for an invention is a grant of property rights by the U.S. Government through the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The patent grant excludes others from making, using, or selling the invention in the United States. (http://www.uspto.gov)
* Copyright — Copyright is a form of protection grounded in the U.S. Constitution and granted by law for original works of authorship fixed in a tangible medium of expression. Copyright covers both published and unpublished works. (http://www.copyright.gov)

Those are the “legal” definitions of copyright. However, the theory behind copyright is directly in line with that behind Free Markets. Here’s the explanation:

We all know what money “is.” However, looking further behind it is where we will begin our examination.

Money is an indication of society’s belief in your worth. When you get a paycheck, your employer is saying, “You have done $xxxx worth of work for me. I am repaying that with this $xxxx check (less government fees). You have now increased your worth to society by $xxxx.” When you go down to the butcher shop and ask for 3 pounds of beef, when he tells you, “$6 please.” What he is really asking is, “Beef is a scarce resource. What makes you worth my giving this to you instead of another customer?”

To this, you reply, “Here’s $6. Thank you.” But, what you’re really saying is, “I kick stupid people in the testicles for a living. Society believes that the worth of my employment is greater than $6. Here is my proof.”

In this context, it makes so much more sense that we all walk around with imaginary money. That, however, is a tangent. What the idea of a copyright or patent are is this: it is society’s recognition of worth. You worked as a butcher, a baker, or a candle-stick maker while you wrote your masterpiece Thoughts of a Dying Brain. The copyright is society saying, “Thank you! Your worth will be tallied for a while.” You are given x number of years for people to invest worth in you (aka buy your book) and ONLY you can have the right to print it (aka copy-right) during this time.

Sounds great, right? Here’s a little test. Which of the following list are the most important items in the scheme of human-kind:

* Fire
* War and Peace
* Computers
* Cure for Cancer/AIDS
* Hit me Baby (One more time)
* Gigli

Most things humans use every day as required of them to be in society are inventions. This places them under the category of patent. [Patents also include pharmaceuticals, by the way.] Patents are protected for either 14 years (for a design or intangible) or 20 years (for a product, plant, or other tangible good.) I know what you’re thinking, “Wow. 14-20 years? That’s a lot of time. That should allow someone whose invention is superbly useful to gather a lot of worth, and at the same time continue working on inventions so that they may release something else to get a patent on and then continue, in a never-ending invention cycle!”

I must say, I’m proud of you for coming to that conclusion. Excellent work. However, what would you say if I told you that Britney Spears will be getting royalties for her songs that came out in the ’90s longer than someone who invents a cure for cancer tomorrow?

Sadly, it’s true. Copright owners are entitled to gather ‘worth’ from their creations for 70 years. After their death. I’ll wait while you clean your keyboard and monitor.

Go on.

Good to go now? Great. Yes, in contrary to the logic behind copyrights, Talented (and -less) artists can continue milking a single work until their grandchildren are completely useless as well!

Why? Well, let’s look at patent-holders… they’re very spread out. There are a huge number of pharmaceuticals companies, a huge number of industrial companies, etc. They all treat each other as competition. (Don’t buy Product X, it’ll make your toenails green!)

Let’s look at copy-right holders. There’s the record companies, book publishers, movie companies, and software companies. What do they do for competition? Well, all same-format things are the same. When was the last time you saw UA price-dropping to beat out MGM? Warner-Brothers? Thought not. Even book companies price things the same so that they all get a fairly even slice of the market pie.

Not to mention that originally, copyrights lasted 28 years. Period. However, Mickey Mouse was coming up for entry into public domain in 2003. In 1999, Congress and the President passed the Extension Act, which extended copyrights to their current length.

Oh, and as an aside, who was that wonderful, un-biased Congressman who introduced the act? Sonny Bono. What? Sonny Bono sang with Cher for a while? No, couldn’t be. Aren’t our Congressmen unbiased?

Well, yes corporations buy them every 2-6 years (it’s called ‘elections’).

On the positive side, at least this time he was being completely self-serving.

Captain Love Pirate

If you are at work, make sure you turn your speakers way down or put on your headphones. Trust us on this one.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/content/news/video/taser_video3a.html

Oh wow.

Well clearly this was another case of racism against the black community. I can’t believe what we are seeing. If Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton doesn’t show up and save the day, I’d be shocked. What??? You say there was a black officer giving an explaination as to why this white officer was correct in tasering a black woman??? You must be kidding!

< Takes time to actually watch the video and listen to clips>

Oh, you’re right… But this is STILL a case of racism. I bet that black officer hangs out with white people and some of that whiteness rubbed off on him. He clearly forgot he was black. I smell a lawsuit coming… against his white, KKK, Nazi, and racist friends. That’ll show those crackers not to mess with the black community!

But seriously.

This is a tough one to start off with. I think I’m with you on this one. After watching it again, I have no doubt that the suspect in the Rodeo was given ample time and warnings before the officer used force. She was also, from the audio side of things, very confrontational from the beginning.

Officer: “Put your phone down.”
Suspect: “No, I’m calling somebody.”
Officer: “I’m gonna tell you one more time. Put your phone down.”

After that, the officer clearly told the woman 4 times to get out of the car or he was going to tase her. All of this you can gather from the video. No sense in rehashing. Up until the point where he uses the taser a second time, I believe the officer was in the right. From the video and audio, I saw no reason to use it again. I understand that this type of situation can be very stressful for both parties. I also understand the increased adrenaline rush that accompanies this type of situation. There was no reason to taser her the second time.

So how would a pirate handle this situation? What would be a fair “Pirate Punishment”?

Suspend the officer without pay for 2 weeks. (About one paycheck) Also put him on probation for… say 6 months. That should be plenty of time to evaluate his actions. It should also give the black officer enough time to throw away all his NASCAR paraphernalia and find friends that aren’t white.

Captain Kitten Killer